Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Randomize