Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize