Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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