turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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