You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
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I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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