Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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