Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
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I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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