If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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