Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
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