Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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