I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
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