I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
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