Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
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