One girl and one boy is just not enough.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
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we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
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I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
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