Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
Fav 3 1047 607 share tweet
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Randomize