my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
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now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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