pop tarts are not kleenex
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
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