you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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