i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
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