Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
