he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
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i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
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I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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