Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
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I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
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Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
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