Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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