The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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