i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
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just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
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