I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
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Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
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having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
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