cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
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