the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
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I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
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Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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