I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize