my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
When did angry sex become our thing?
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Randomize