I bet he comes in French.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
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The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
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Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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