Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
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