this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
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