i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My liver is preforming stress tests.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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