I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
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