Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
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He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
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You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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