I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
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coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
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And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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