the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
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