I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
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