dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
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What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
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How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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