Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
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