I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
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I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
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It's like fucking tetris in this bed
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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