i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
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