I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
if only i could text you this smell
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
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