dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
FUCK WHALES
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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