im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
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