We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize