tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
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They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
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I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize