I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize