My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
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