margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
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