i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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